Pouring My Heart Out to You

Have you ever had one of those days where you just don’t care? The day may start off great but then once you go through the day, you just don’t care? Or you just kinda question things and hope for an answer but there doesn’t seem to be one.

Today started off awesome…I worked last night but overall it went fast and don’t get me wrong, I was glad to be done, but at 7 am this morning I was wide awake! I know…odd…but I felt on top of the world so I decided to go running and lift some weights at the gym…again felt amazing. Well sorta…I decided to do lunges after I was done with my main workout and I definitely pulled a muscle but it hasn’t been too sore luckily. After I had my wonderful workout I decided to go to the tanning bed. I hadn’t gone in about a week and I wanted to go a few more times before my boyfriend comes…want to look super hot for him haha :) Anyways, I decided to try a new place called Tan Lines. From the outside it looks really crappy but inside the beds and place is amazing! I’ve found a new place to go tanning now! Woo Hoo! I got inside my room and it started pouring outside…I told myself…I’m glad I went running before hand (normally I’ll go tanning and then work out, but reversed it today)!

I chilled for a couple hours before actually trying to get some sleep and slept for a few hours and woke up and now I’m here.

When I started to write this blog I was really frustrated and hurt at times. I have a good friend of mine and I love him dearly but I feel like I’ve been super open with him but he’s too scared to open up to me. I don’t feel I’ve done anything to hinder that and I know its easier to open up for me than him…I just don’t know why he’s so scared. Oh well I was talking to him about it and I wanted to fight but knew it would go no where so I just dropped it. It just hurts that random strangers who read his blog who don’t know him like I do he can share his heart…but when it comes to someone who cares so much for him as a friend he can’t? I know many times its easy to tell those who may read a blog or those who don’t really know us that well because they’re not going to judge us or think differently of us. I hope my friend realizes that I care too much about him to exploit anything or make things worse…but who knows. I’m done with talking about this…

I know I wrote yesterday about my emotions but I feel like my emotions are on a rollercoaster more than usual. I really thought today was going to be an awesome day and not that it won’t be, I just hate when things like this seem to get in the way and my mood changes with the snap of a finger. Maybe I care too much for this friend…and that’s why its hard to feel somewhat rejected; that the wall is too high for me to climb or I just want to be the best friend I can but I can’t because he won’t let me. I don’t know. Hopefully with time the wall will come down, but I can’t make any promises. I just don’t know.

There isn’t a whole lot else I can say or do so I’ll just keep this verse at heart as I try to figure everything out and as I ride this rollercoaster of emotions. “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. ” Psalm 18:2